Building Relationships With Small Talk
What is small talk?
Is it not using big words? For example, do you say “scold” instead of “denunciate”? Maybe “poor” instead of “impecunious”? Perhaps “dumb” instead of “taciturn”? “Fool” instead of “simpleton”?
Or instead to you say things like “flatulence” instead of just saying “gas”? Do you say “discombobulated” instead of “screwed up”? How about “extemporaneous” instead of “unrehearsed”?” Heterogeneous” instead of “unlike”? Do you say “pretentious” instead of “snob.” Maybe “supercilious” instead of “arrogant.” Do you think you’re better than others…..
Oooops! Sorry!
No, small talk is none of these things.
Small talk is just remarking to someone you may meet on an almost regular basis like your mailman, barber, grocer or someone and saying, “Hey, how about those Steelers?” or “Nice weather we’re having” or “Gee, I sure didn’t vote for that bastard” or even “Man, I really have to pee.” These are ways to begin to feel comfortable with strangers and open up conversations where you find out a little about them. Then as time goes by, you can begin to develop more meaningful conversations and get to know each other on a more personal level. Practicing this may even be a way to overcome a shyness about talking to strangers.
Wait! Your mother taught you to NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS!
Well, you have to be selective, of course, and don’t forget – almost anything you do these days has risk. You don’t want to talk to anyone who is slobbering, smells bad, has their hand out for something other than shaking hands (see Networking Handshake Primer), has one eye looking somewhere else while the other is looking at you (you think), is running from a bank with a gun in their hand, is wearing a mask, carries a sign saying something about the end of the world, someone who wears his shirt inside his underwear, or someone who is kissing babies in a crowd. These are but a few of those you may want to think twice about starting a conversation with.
While it’s romantic to think of yourself as tall, dark and mysterious, as a guy you’re probably gonna get more mileage out of being open, polite, self-assured. You ladies can be demure, shy and mysterious, which can be alluring, but if you’re in the business world, you need to be able to back up that red power suit. So, get out there and talk small. Say things to strangers. Chat about stupid, meaningless crap. It lets people know you’re interested in them. In the long run, it will make you a better person.
Strangely enough, small talk is actually networking. Well, it’s the beginning of networking, anyway. If you can become accomplished at small talk, then you won’t have any trouble taking it further into full blown, this is the real deal, I- can’t-believe-I’m-doing-this networking!
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